How to Be Your Biggest Fan (Even on Your Worst Days)
Lessons I learned from Jen Sincero — love yourself fiercely and achieve your biggest dreams
Have you ever looked at someone you admire (say, a reality TV star, an author, or a YouTube sensation) reach great heights?
And when they did that, have you thought to yourself that it’s quite obvious how they achieved so much? You always knew they would because they are phenomenal and talented and this is where they belong.
Now, look at yourself and imagine a scenario where you achieve all that you ever wanted.
No, scratch that.
Imagine yourself achieving even more than you dared to hope for in your wildest dreams: you have a four-bedroom apartment in your dream country, a happy family and two dogs, a Porsche sitting pretty in your front yard, and so much fame, that random strangers approach you on the street and ask for an autograph.
How did that feel?
Did you hear a voice inside your head saying there is no use dreaming about things you will never achieve?
Did you find yourself nodding and agreeing to it, because, let’s face it, all you are ever going to do in your life is that day job you don’t enjoy that much and this routine you have so comfortably settled into?
Have you wondered why this is so?
Why do you look at someone else’s success and feel that they deserve it, but, when you look at your own, you are convinced you will never be able to do what they did?
Instead, why don’t you try looking at yourself through the eyes of your biggest fan?
See your struggles through the eyes of someone who roots for you and knows you will make it big one day. Someone who knows nothing about your insecurities and self-doubt. All they see is your blinding potential and will patiently wait till you reach your full glory.
But I don’t have a fan like that, you say.
That’s right. You don’t. So, what do you do?
You become your biggest fan.
You love yourself so fiercely and believe in yourself with such unshakeable stubbornness, that all your insecurities, all the self-doubt melt away into nothingness.
This article is going to teach you exactly that: how to be your biggest fan.
A couple of months ago, when the lockdown in India was in its first week, I did a series of Instagram live sessions with authors and creatives from different parts of the country. These sessions were part-candid-conversation and part-interview. I had a great time talking to so many creative people and being inspired by their views on life.
One question I asked each guest was: What is one book that changed your life?
I came to know about You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero during one of these live sessions. The guest didn’t simply recommend this book, she spoke about it with so much passion, her eyes shone and her hands started gesturing wildly. She said she owes everything she is today to this book and that it changed her whole perception of self-love. She told me she couldn’t express in words the amount of impact this book had on her. It was such a glowing review, I had to purchase a copy right away.
And what shall I tell you, this book is every bit worth all the hype surrounding it! Jen Sincero adopts a no-nonsense way of talking to the reader and uprooting all the limiting self-beliefs they might have held. She goes on to emphasise how important it is to love yourself because if you don’t, no one else will. She lists out a step-by-step guide on how one can become their biggest fan.
You get to choose how you perceive your reality. So why, when it comes to perceiving yourself, would you choose to see anything other than a super rock star of a creature? You are a badass.
In this article, I am going to list the most important lessons I learned from the book. Here is how you can love yourself so fiercely, that nothing and no one else can bring you down.
Here is how you can be a badass.
How to Love Yourself Fiercely
Loving yourself means believing in your abilities and being able to forgive yourself for all the times you failed to live up to your own expectations. It means being happy with yourself and not bothering about what other people think of you. Sincero lists a step-by-step guide about how you can cultivate the habit of self-love.
Appreciate how special you are
There is no one in the universe who is going to be exactly like you. You have special gifts and talents, and no one else can share these with the world if you don’t. Others might have the same gifts as you do, but they cannot use them the same way as you, and that is what makes you so special. Never let anyone make you forget this.
An affirmation is a statement of truth that you aspire to absorb into yourself. If you want to turn your life around, you have to re-wire your brain and train it to think differently. Drowning yourself in affirmations can do that for you.
Pick out the things you need to hear the most and keep repeating them over and over again throughout the day — in the shower, while you are cooking, driving, or cleaning, and before going to sleep. When you speak the affirmations out loud, you have to truly feel them and get worked up by them. The more emotional they make you feel, the deeper your brain and soul will absorb them, and the closer they will be to the truth. Here are some examples of affirmations-
- I am confident. My confidence is powerful.
- I recognise myself as exceptional.
- I will follow my dreams no matter what.
- I am beautiful. I deserve to be loved.
In the beginning, it might feel like you are lying to yourself, but once you truly start believing in them and accept that they will work wonders for you, you will recognise their power.
Do things you love
Surround yourself with people, food, things, and experiences that fill your brain with dopamine. Life is too short to spend your days doing things that make you miserable. Make yourself and your happiness a priority, and no matter how much time or money it might cost you, indulge in experiences that give you peace.
Take care of yourself as if you are the most awesome person you've ever met.
Find a replacement
Pay attention to all the times you talk badly to yourself and think of a better response. For example, if your first thought whenever you start a new project is, “I am not good enough. I will never be able to complete this”, then make a conscious effort and change it to “I can do this.” Or, if you look into the mirror each morning and frown at your image, change that response to “Hi, gorgeous!”
Do not spend your life believing all the garbage notions you have built about yourself. Treat yourself like the awesome, talented person you are and change all your self-talk to recognise the awesomeness in you.
Accept the love
Acknowledge compliments. Don’t brush them away with a fake display of modesty. When someone says, “You look good today,” don’t get awkward and change the subject. Say “Thank you” instead and hold your head high like you believe it.
Don’t compare yourself with others
Understand this: it makes no difference to you if someone else is achieving more than you in spite of being less talented. Your life and your talents your own, and what others are doing with theirs should not affect you in the least.
Comparison is the fastest way to take all the fun out of life.
It is your uniqueness that makes you a badass. Dimming its light by comparing yourself to other people is not giving it the respect it deserves.
Yes, you have made mistakes in the past. You have done things to hurt yourself and the people who love you. But, holding on to the past will do no one any good, least of all you. Don’t fill your heart with guilt. Instead, learn your lesson from the mistake you committed so you do not repeat the same again. Learn and move on.
The moment you decide to forgive yourself and let your regret disappear, you will be on the road to freedom. Forgiveness is a conscious decision you need to make because only by forgiving your mistakes in the past, can you make your desire to feel good in the future your first priority.
The biggest lesson I learned from this book is that no matter what life and the universe might have taught you to believe, you can change it.
You can rewrite your history by looking at your past experiences from a different perspective and you can unlearn all the toxic lessons you have accumulated over time.
The moment you decide to unshackle yourself from the cage of stories you have built around yourself, you would be able to see the infinite possibilities for growth the universe has in store. If you love yourself, if you don’t let your negative perceptions about yourself cloud your vision, there is no end to the things you can achieve in life. What you choose to focus on becomes your reality.
Life is an illusion created by your own perception, and it can be changed the moment you choose to change it. Our entire experience on this planet is determined by how we choose to perceive our reality.
If that is indeed the case, why not build a reality for yourself where anything is possible? Why not make a self-image where you are a badass and nothing and no one can dim your shine?
Why not be your biggest cheerleader and ONLY focus on your strengths?
If you enjoyed this story, you might want to check out my article on the biggest takeaways from James Altucher’s Choose Yourself!
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